It wasn’t until I decided to forgive all who harmed me as a child that I was able to move forward. To be honest it’s much easier to avoid those tough situations rather than deal with the problems at hand. I guess that’s why I lived in silence for so long, three decades to be exact. Three decades of unresolved pain drove me down a path of destruction. From the outside everyone thought I was doing well and that I had it all together. When I began this journey, I wanted everyone to understand my pain but I’ve come to the realization that unless you’ve gone through sexual trauma, it is impossible for you to relate to me or any other victim of sexual abuse.
Having your innocence stolen from you and being taken advantage of is heart breaking and there aren’t any words to
describe those feelings. I thank God for giving me the strength to go back to that hurtful place and for giving me the strength to face my past hurts.
Since I was sexually abused by three individuals (two who were already deceased) I didn’t know where to begin, so I decided to reach out to the mother of one of my abusers. Social media is an awesome tool, I found her on Facebook, and I finally mustered up enough courage and sent her a message. I explained to her what her son had done to me many years ago, I was in no way trying to be insensitive or trying to cause her any pain, her son was dead and had been for about fifteen years or so. I let her know that I was finally able to forgive him and that I was ready to move forward to become all that God had created me to be. She was very angry in her response but that didn’t matter to me, not to sound harsh but it wasn’t about her at that moment. This was the first time that I had to put myself first, I had to be selfish. I’m the type of person that places the needs of others above my own and even at that moment, I wanted to hug her and to make sure she was alright. I felt her pain but at the same time I was freeing myself. The Lord was giving me strength and a weight had been lifted, everything that had me bound for over three decades had finally been broken!
The next step was to forgive my Foster sister for molesting me and for exposing me to so much at such an early age. There is a misconception amongst many men as it relates to females sexually abusing little boys. Many boys have been molested by older girls but it seems to be a “rite of passage” to many. Any form of childhood abuse is wrong and needs to be reported to authorities as soon as possible! I finally reached out to her on Facebook as well, I let her know that I had forgiven her, her response was “ok” and that was enough for me. I finally addressed my issues and I was ready to move forward, I was ready to live and that little boy inside of me would finally be able to move forward and begin to heal.
I share pieces of my life only to encourage others and to give people hope. My story is one that needs to be heard, there are many stories that have been buried and many victims are living in shame. So many people have similar stories but are suffering in silence. I speak for those who are silenced by childhood trauma, for those who have lost their voices and are screaming but no one seems to be listening.
In closing, I can’t take any credit at all, the credit belongs to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I’m just a small piece of a bigger puzzle, a willing vessel! This is my testimony of how I was able to start my healing journey, I pray that this not only encourages someone but people will begin to talk about these issues. I hope people will begin to heal and are able to move forward!